How in love with me is Princess Pizzabones?
As a polyamorous woman, who's sexually attracted to basically everyone, I don’t experience a difference between love for friends and love for sexual partners. It’s all just sort of one big bin of squishy happy feelings for me. Recently I had a conversation with a friend about how one ranks “love.” With friendship you can say I am a close friend, or they are an acquaintance, but since most people don’t experience being in-love with dozens of people at a time they never have a need for a ranking system.
As both a silly answer, and the only one I could come with, I have created a love ranking based on what I am willing to fight for you.
A large bug
We haven't hung out a ton, but you seem like a reasonable person. I would be willing to fight an overly large bug for you. Something like a centipede the size of my arm. If it runs straight at me though I might bail.
Snakes, literal and metaphorical
For people I have hung out with a few times and enjoy the company of. I have warm feelings about you. I want you to be safe from this snake. This could be a literal snake, or a drunk guy at a bar. Either way I have your back.
Gnomes/Goblins
Imagine Warwick Davis in his full Leprechaun movie make-up running straight at you. Now we are getting into supernatural stuff. If I am willing to fight one of these for you it means we have had some deep open conversations, maybe been through a bonding experience together. I have a legit love for you and am willing to show up when shit gets freaky.
Carcass Crawler
What eldritch god did you piss off to bring this into our lives? I need you to know I am furious that I have to deal with this, but we are ride or die. You will never hear the end of it, but I love you too much to let you get tentacled to death. I’ll be right here by your side, this day and always.
Just a Big Ass Dragon
If I am fighting a dragon for you it’s because you are one of my core intimate partners. I can’t imagine my life without you, which is fine because we are definitely going to die today. If we are going out I am glad we are going together. See you on the other side.
Much love,
Princess Pizzabones