It does not have to hurt, to be meaningful
Apparently we are playing blog pingpong right now. I started writing a short response to Havoc about their most recent Hearts Aglow Session report and things sort of spiraled into this.
And in the Darkness, Hearts Aglow - Session 21 - The Winter Tournament which references Weird Writer’s Lost Girls and my blog post on Gorgon Bones I was a Lady of Sorrow which in turn talks about other posts from Havoc and Wired Writer.
Caught up yet? Good!
In their post Havoc is struggling with comparison between their campaign and the emotional juggernaut that is Weird Writer's Lost Girls. The easy thing to say is “comparison is the thief of joy, stop doing that.” Man wouldn't life be simpler if we could just turn off feelings like that. We all compare ourselves to others. If nothing else because that is how we learn and grow. Comparison isn’t inherently unhealthy but it can of course be harmful.
Havoc states in the post “[T]his is a game. It has no ties to my value as a person or writer, or to how much my friends like me.” This is of course completely true. Havoc, I am glad you came to this realization. I hope it settles into your heart and you feel it honestly and fully. If you will indulge me though I want to push it further. I want to expand more on the idea of meaning and what makes something meaningful.
Hearts Aglow is meaningful too.
There are two kinds of meaning; Capital M Meaning like the movie Cidade de Deus, and little m meaning like the TV show Owl House. Lost Girls is the first kind and Hearts Aglow is the second kind. Just because one meaning is more intense and more grandiose, does not make one more valid or important.
Let’s talk about Cidade de Deus (City of God) first. This film is incredibly regarded by media critics. It revolves around the brutal lives of young men in the favelas of Rio de Janeiro. (Look I just watched a YouTube essay about this film so it's front of mind. The fact that it’s Brazilian is a coincidence I swear.) It’s an epic crime drama about gang violence. As you might expect it is honest in a way that a car crash is honest. This film is as capital M Meaningful as it gets. It has something powerful to say. It’s won many awards for a reason.
It’s also a film I can not watch because doing so would be an act of self harm.
Owl House is a cute TV show from Disney. It’s about a human girl, going to a magical realm and making friends while discovering her own kind of magic. This show is very meaningful to me, because I watch it with my daughter. It has lovely things to say, many of those things have meaning, but they are little meanings. My kiddo feeling represented in media when she struggles living in a new country is pretty damn meaningful. Let’s be honest though, Owl House is a snuggly blanket fort compared to Cidade de Deus. It has nothing even close to as Meaningful to say.
Cidade de Deus has goals that are very different from Owl House. Lost Girls has goals that are very different from Hearts Aglow. The goals of a project determine the grandicity of its meaning, but it does not determine how personally meaningful it will be to those who engage with it.
It does not have to hurt, to be meaningful.
What you are building with your table is important and meaningful to those you are building for. Of all the games currently running on the Gay OSR Discord server yours is the only one that makes me go “damn I wish I was in a game like that.”
I think it’s really important for all of us not to get bogged down in feeling like everything we make needs to be big. Sure the big things are what get the attention but the little moments are what actually give meaning to all of our lives. Having a cup of coffee on the balcony, catching up with a friend you missed, dogs playing in the park, a regular silly game with people you love. All of these things are meaningful.